new antidepressants, I fall asleep quickly and easily, which is good news. And in general, my condition is improving. I think I'll be discharged soon.
Day 19.
Today is Thursday, January 26, 2069.
13: 01. Norma from breakfast walks backwards and asks about my interests, food preferences, fears. Then he begins to tell some story about his niece, whose name is Mary. I'm not usually interested in other people's lives, but Norma's voice sounds so pleasant and calm that I want to listen to her, whether she's talking about the universal Masonic conspiracy or her kitten. I am ready to support any dialogue, the main thing is to hear her voice.
13: 38. I forgot to tell you, Sophie didn't come to work again, and Diana continues to ignore me.
22:51. It was cold outside, so I didn't go for a walk. After learning about this, Norma also decided to stay in the department and offered to play board games. I wanted to play shogi, but she didn't know the rules, so I had to teach her some of the time. Norma listened to me carefully and asked clarifying questions, guessing the main part of the rules. But sometimes she would drop out of the car for a few minutes, looking out the window. At such moments, Norma could not hear anyone and smiled. The first time I thought there was something funny going on outside and decided to look out, but there was nothing there. From oblivion, she came out on her own, or from a light touch (as the nurses did).
We played a game of shogi, and then I went to practice.
Dinner was stuffed eggplant and mint tea. Norma wasn't in the dining room again, so I finished my meal quickly and went back to the ward to take these notes.
Now is the time for sleep. I hope Norma doesn't have any dreams.
Day 20.
Today is January 27, 2069, Friday.
09:47. At breakfast, Norma sat with me again, but she was not alone, but with her new friends, Lavender and Lily. She told me a story about their names, but I didn't remember anything. I remember this morning in a blurry way, as if I was half asleep.
16:32. It was snowing outside, so I went out for a walk. Sophie is not here, and the ward has become boring. I felt lonely and unwanted again, but it didn't last long.
I caught sight of an angel who was building a snow castle with the kids. It was fun to watch as Norma watched each child, entertained them, told them stories. They even held a round dance in honor of the completion of the construction.
What am I talking about, nonsense. We need to get ready for training.
01:13. I can't sleep. I asked the nurse for a sedative, but it didn't help at all. My heart is beating so loud and hard that it keeps me awake. Maybe I have an arrhythmia? I'll definitely tell the doctor about it on Monday, but now I need to try to sleep and stop thinking about her.
04:22. I could hardly sleep, but I wish I hadn't slept at all. I had a very strange dream.
I was walking through a wheat field while a thunderstorm was coming. The sky was overcast with leaden clouds, and thunder rumbled in the distance. When the bad weather caught up with me and it started to rain, Norma came down from the sky. She was wearing a white dress and had wings on her back. Norma came up to me and asked: "Are you willing to sell your soul to me for salvation?» but before I could answer, she took me in her arms and lifted me up. A couple of seconds after takeoff, lightning struck the field, and I woke up.
What a strange dream it was.
Day 21.
Today is Saturday, January 28, 2069.
06: 56. Weekend again. Everyone will leave, and there will be silence in the ward, a beautiful time of serenity. Why can't this emptiness be eternal? Why do people demand movement? Why does my heart have to beat and beat, not letting me think of anything but her?
My head hurts so much that I can't eat, drink,or sleep. But Sophie's back, and it's comforting.
She had dark circles under her eyes and pale skin. Perhaps she hadn't slept for several nights. I don't want to think about what could have happened to drive this optimistic woman to despair. I don't want to think at all, but they make me, especially Norma. I hid from her in my room, but I'm afraid that soon this closed door will not stop her.
19:27. I am more and more grateful to volleyball training for freeing me from the interrogations of Norma. She's too worried about me. This is certainly nice, but not now. Today I had no desire to communicate with her or see her, because every word Norma uttered makes me drown in incomprehensible feelings. Her gaze turns me hot, makes me clumsy and distracted, makes me stutter, but I continue to admire her, every feature of her. She bites her lower lip when thinking about something, especially during board games. It's so cute that I want to set more and more traps, come up with more complex tactics, just to see this thoughtful and insanely attractive face. I go crazy, do illogical things, try to accidentally bump into her in the hallway, only to look into her eyes again.
I'm afraid of these feelings. I begin to depend on the Norm, become weak and soft in her presence.
But what's wrong with that? Why does this scare me at all? The main thing is to calm my heart, otherwise I will die before I get answers.
I understand Ail now.
Day 22.
Today is January 29, 2069,
