and he's always helping me with my lessons, taking care of me.
I think less of Dean now, but these brief moments are getting more and more painful. I don't have enough IVs to go to sleep, even though I'm taking all the necessary medications, and my health is recovering quickly from daily scans, but these headaches and hallucinations don't stop.
Why doesn't he write to me? He forgot me, doesn't want to talk to me?
I was the only one interested in our relationship. He doesn't even know how I feel about him. How could Dino tie me to him so easily? Why did He offer to take me for a walk in the Park, in the city at night, and walk me home? What is all this? Was he just playing with me?
It hurts. It's unbearably painful.
How could I fall in love with such an egoist? Why did this happen to me? Why did I go to the Park then? Why did you go there every day? Why did you keep diaries? Why did you admire him? To suffer pain now? To hate yourself and curse the world? Even so, I will still run after Him. Even if I end up being hit by a car or falling off a bridge and drowning in a river, even if It's just an illusion. I can't forget Dino. I'll never let Him go. Dino is mine and mine alone.
Day 49.
Hello, Diary.
Today is January 24, 2069, Tuesday.
On the street -8, cloudy.
10:34. I was transferred to a psychiatric ward because, according to the nurses, I tried to jump off the window, but I don't remember anything about it. I guess I just wanted to go to Him. Why did they stop me from doing this?
15:46. I was in therapy with a psychiatrist. He asked me various questions about my family and Hobbies. He asked me to bring a graphic tablet next time and show my drawings. I don't want to talk to him.
Why should I tell my past and plans to a complete stranger who is just taking notes?
17:28. This Department is much more fun than the neurological Department. Just now, for example, we had a table game tournament, and I almost became a champion in drafts, but one person was able to beat me. I need to meet him tomorrow.
21:11. I'm in the ward with Lavender and Lily, they're twins, and their parents work with plant crops.
It turns out that Lavender in the language of flowers means admiration and loneliness, and Lily-loyalty and innocence. I think their parents confused their daughters when they gave those names, because Lily is emotional, hot-tempered, energetic and impatient, it is difficult to believe in her loyalty and innocence, and Lava, on the contrary, is a modest, calm, unhurried and lazy girl.
They were brought here because of suspected depression, because they had been refusing food and sleeping poorly for the past few weeks. The reason was the system that enrolled them in different EOPQ, located far away, and the twins simply cannot imagine life in the distance from each other.
23:58. I reread the Diary, and now I regret that I updated it. All entries about Him, except for the status, were deleted. How do I get them back? I want to remember everything about Dino: his favorite ice cream flavor, lucky number, Hobbies, fears. Why did I delete these beautiful notes? I miss him, and Dino doesn't even write to me.
03:37. I need to sleep.
Bye, Diary.
Day 50.
Hello, Diary.
Today is January 25, 2069, Wednesday.
On the street -8, clearly.
14:43. In the psychiatric ward, you can only visit patients on certain days, but many pass things through nurses, so I'm still surrounded by sweets and flowers. Sammy and I are constantly texting on the blog, and the nurse noticed this and started asking if we were dating. Does it look like this from the outside? I need to discuss this with Sammy over the weekend.
15:34. I met the winner of the checkers. His name is Catsu.
He was admitted to a psychiatric ward with stage 1 depression, and he had depersonalization and apathy. Catsu also told me that he wanted to kill himself, but he didn't have the strength to do it.
He's been here for a month, and he's much better. I wanted to ask why he was depressed, but I think Catsu will tell me if he wants to.
This winner is very modest and quiet, always sits alone during lunch and does not communicate with anyone.
Before being hospitalized, he studied at the EOPQ as a logic teacher. This is not surprising with his ability to calculate moves and build algorithms for winning, but sometimes Catsu seems to be an insensitive machine that performs its computational functions, rejecting all human emotions, so I want to surprise him and make some gift. On the weekend, perhaps, his family will come to visit, and I can ask my parents to bring my art supplies.
17:12. Lava and Lily said that forget-me-nots are a reminder of a person who is not around, so they are often planted in the groves of rebirth, as an appeal of the dead to the living. It is sad. I didn't think that such delicate and lovely flowers could have a sad meaning.
18: 34. We looked at each other again. When will it stop?
23:49. The nurse makes me go to bed, but I can't leave Dino alone, he'll disappear without me.
Day 51.
Hello, Diary.
Today is January 28 of the year 2069, Saturday.
On the street -7, Sunny.
12:42. Yuna came to me and brought the people with her, and we had fun.
Nothing interesting happened at the school, except the expulsion of the head of the student Council, a mass fight in the cafeteria, a disco in honor of the New Year, and the election of
